By Allison Johnson, M.Ed., Program Consultant
AADAC Youth Services Centre - Calgary

Peer pressure has been the bogeyman of adolescent ills ever since adolescents were invented.  The inexorable pressure that kids exert to force other kids to act against their will is the putative cause of virtually everything and anything that can and will go wrong with childhood.  A parent could be forgiven for fantasizing about simply locking up their son or daughter until they reach the magic age of 18 (or 25, or 30), when they are supposedly immune from peer pressure's evil influence.  As appealing as the thought might be to an exasperated parent, we know that it's not possible.  And as adolescence -- and entry into junior high -- looms closer, the influence and acceptance of peers becomes a highly significant one to the budding teenager.

Let's look at what peer pressure really is.  Human beings are social creatures.  Unlike most other animals, we have very few instincts that help us to survive in the world.  We must learn virtually everything that we know from others, beginning with parents, siblings, and early friends, then our classmates and teachers.  Of the few things that seem to be inborn, one of them is a fear of rejection.  From a survival standpoint, fear of rejection is healthy because we tend to do badly when isolated from the group.  Our need to affiliate influences us to adopt the values and belief systems of the groups we belong to, or wish to belong to. 

Even as adults, peer pressure never leaves us.  Think back to a recent example of when you caved in to peer pressure.  That extra helping of dessert?  Opting for the more expensive model when really the cheaper one would have done just fine?  Is it any accident that the people in the ad for that product you're considering look an awful lot like you?  As adults, we like to think we're completely in charge of our own decisions, but in reality we're influenced by others more than we may like to admit.  

That goes double -- or more -- for adolescents.  Adolescence is a time when kids are beginning to forge their own identities and are casting about their environment for hints and clues as to who and what they should be.  The need to have their choices approved by their peers is a powerful one, and they are particularly vulnerable to being drawn down the wrong path for the sake of acceptance.

But the news isn't all bad.  Peer pressure is also a powerful force for good.  People of all ages are pushed to excel, to make positive choices, and to take positive actions by the influence of their peers.  It's what cheering sections are all about.  The influence of peers ultimately comes down to the decisions made by the one being pressured.  As adults, we have a role in helping kids make the best possible choices, including ones influenced by others.  Viewed this way, helping your child deal with peer pressure becomes just another part of helping your child grow up healthy.

What to DO???  What to DO???  What to DO???  What to DO???   What to DO???

Here are some tips for helping your child cope with peer pressure:

	Let your children make age-appropriate decisions early. Decision making (see Got Problems - Decision Making Exercise) involves exploring alternatives, weighing options, choosing what seems to be the best option under the circumstances, and evaluating the results.  Young kids can do this with very simple decisions.  Older kids can benefit from breaking down the problem into its component parts and choosing a positive, realistic solution with the help of an adult.  The earlier they start with evaluating the consequences of their choices, the easier it will be later on.
	Be clear on your own values and beliefs, and let your kids know what they are.  This won't necessarily stop kids from making unwise decisions, but it does give them a moral benchmark against which to evaluate their choices.
	The old standby: open communication.  Kids need to feel they have an adult to talk problems over with, one who acts like a sounding board rather than an advice dispenser.  You can help kids work through decisions and plan how to handle incidents where they might feel pressured to do something unwise.  For example, sitting down with your kids and mapping out a plan of action if they are ever offered drugs or alcohol can help equip them for the almost inevitable real event.  Finally, you can support them for making the wise if unpopular decision -- especially if their choices do result in peer group rejection -- as well as reinforce the value of the good decisions they do make.
	Remain aware of who your child's friends are.  This gets a little more difficult as kids move into junior high and live more independent lives, but it's very important.  Open your home to supervised visits from your child's friends, and try to get to know their parents.  This way, you'll be alert to changes in friends, and you can help your child evaluate whether their friends are good influences or not.  Your role here is not to choose your child's friends, but rather to understand why he or she is attracted to certain peers and to help them weed out the ones whose behaviours and attitudes seem inappropriate.
	Help kids focus on goals and dreams (see Got Problems - Goal Setting), and to choose the types of friends and activities that support those goals.  Help them evaluate their choices in terms of whether an action will help them move closer to or away from what they want.
	Understand that mistakes happen, and at some point your child may take a wrong turn.  This is terrific grist for the experience mill.  Sitting down afterwards and helping them identify where things started to go south enables them to consider what they could do differently the next time they are faced with a similar situation.

Kids with good problem solving skills and support from a significant adult are resilient kids.  We know from research -- as well as common sense -- that resilient kids are far better able to cope positively with adversity and avoid trouble.  Peer pressure isn't so much a problem as it is a challenge for both kids and their parents, one which can be managed with some care and vigilance.

(First published in Alberta Parent Quarterly magazine, July/August 1999 issue)