By Allison Johnson, M.Ed., Program Consultant
AADAC Youth Services Centre - Calgary

It's no great mystery that as children get older, friends take on an increasingly important role in their lives. Parents often feel their own influence shrinking like plastic wrap in a microwave. Kids begin to challenge what they've been taught, and the hard facts about drug use and addiction may pale against the fear of losing friends, popularity, and self-esteem. Still, as a parent, you have a significant role in helping your kids learn the skills to resist negative peer pressure and remain popular.

Because children have little experience at surviving the disapproval of friends, peer acceptance is critical. They also have the growing need to make independent decisions. Kids may know better, but the need to fit in can be a powerful countermeasure to common sense. Their tendency to think in black and white terms can also lead to catastrophizing: "if I don't do this, not only will I lose my friends, but I'll never have any friends."

Kids need to know, in simple, immediate terms, why smoking, drinking, and experimenting with drugs is inappropriate. Here are some things to tell your kids to discourage them from getting involved (and some rationales for you!):

	"Smoking can harm your body. It also makes your teeth yellow and your breath, hair, and clothes smell bad." (Important information on lung cancer and emphysema is usually lost on kids because in their minds, these things only happen to "old" people. However, emphasizing immediate consequences brings the issue home in a way kids can understand.)
	"Illegal drugs are usually mixed with chemicals and even other drugs. This could be extremely dangerous as there's no way to know what you're putting into your body." (Dealers frequently add unknown substances to their stock to increase profits. The health and welfare of their clients is not their top priority!)
	"Your body is still growing, and smoking and drinking alcohol can hurt that." (In addition, drug use can interfere with the emotional and intellectual development of young people, creating serious problems in school, for example.)
	"We love you and want you to grow up strong and healthy."
	Explore your child's fears about refusing to do something they know is wrong. Often kids fear they'll seem babyish to their friends. Help them to understand that true friends will respect their decisions, and that friends who do not aren't really the sort of friends they want. Reassure them that doing the right thing is far from babyish -- in fact, it's a mark of maturity and a sure sign they're growing up.
	Rehearse with them as many different ways to say "no" as possible. Make a game out of it! Here are some examples:
	Keep repeating "no", "no thanks, I don't want to", one more time than the pressuring friend can say "come on… try it!"
	If the pressure keeps up, encourage your child to walk away to a place where they feel safe, perhaps a different group of kids.
	Reverse the pressure. "Why should I?" challenges the friend to justify their pressure.
	Use humour. A response like, "No thanks, I'd rather eat carpet tacks" might just be the ticket.
	Offer an alternative, such as "No thanks. How about we go over to my place and play Sega instead?" If the friend refuses, say, "Well, I'm going home now. If you want to join me, that's where I'll be."
	Make honest excuses. "My mom wants me to come home right after school." Or, "My dad would be furious if he found out." Or, "I'm allergic to smoke."
	Encourage your child's interests in a variety of hobbies and activities. Kids with a range of real choices feel better about themselves and are better able to face the risk of peer disapproval. Peer pressure needn't be a negative influence, but having the ability to resist the less wholesome overtures can help your children hone their relationship skills and become confident adults.

[First printed in Family Zoo magazine, April/May, 1998].