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Oh, come on. Everybody talks to themselves! Most of the time we don’t
even know it, but the way we talk to ourselves affects the way we feel about ourselves, or about things that
happen in our lives.
Let’s take Marty and Beth. Neither of them studied for the math test, and they both failed
it. If we could go inside Marty’s head, we might hear something like this:
"Oh no! I can’t believe I failed! It’s a disaster! I’ll never pass another math
test again as long as I live! I’m so incredibly stupid!"
Pick some feeling words that describe how Marty feels right now:
Now let’s go inside Beth’s head:
"Oh no! I failed the math test! I guess that’s what happens when I don’t study! I’m
really disappointed in myself. I’ll study for the next test for sure. I know I can pass the next one."
Pick some feeling words that describe how Beth feels right now:
Do you see a difference? Both Marty and Beth failed the test, but their feelings about it
are different. That’s because they think about it differently. A lot of the problems we have come from how we
think about them. If we learn to think about them in realistic ways, we can usually find a way to solve the
problems. If we tell ourselves the problem can’t be solved, we pretty much guarantee that we won’t be the one
to solve it.
Change these thoughts and make the feelings more positive. The first two are examples:
|
Situation |
Thought |
Feelings |
New Thought |
New Feelings |
|
Teacher tells you off for something you did. Whatever it was, it wasn’t the smartest
move you’ve ever made. |
I’m so stupid. I never do anything right. |
Sad, angry, low self-esteem, depressed. |
It’s true, that wasn’t the brightest thing I’ve ever done, but I can do it
differently next time. I can learn from my mistakes. |
Hopeful, good about self. |
|
Situation |
Thought |
Feelings |
New Thought |
New Feelings |
|
You see a new student/neighbour. You’d like to get to know them. |
I can’t talk to that new person!
What if they don’t like me? |
Fear, anxiety |
I can’t make a person like or dislike me. I’ll talk to them and see how it goes. |
Curious, hopeful. |
|
Someone you don’t know glances at you in the hallway. |
That person hates me. I can tell just by the way they look at me. |
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You have a massive crush on someone at school. You’d love to go out with them. |
If he/she doesn’t ask me out, I’ll die.
I can only feel good about myself if they ask me out. |
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You trip and fall in front of someone you really like. |
This is the most totally embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ll never
live it down in a million years. |
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You break a major rule at home just before spring break, and are grounded during the
week. |
This is so unfair! I can’t believe my parents would do this to me! I hate them! |
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Here is a list of feeling words to help you.
- Happy feelings are – playful, loved, proud, calm, relaxed
- Angry feelings are – disgusted, impatient, hurt, frustrated, furious, jealous
- Sad feelings are – helpless, anxious, bored, disappointed, alone
- Fearful feelings are – worried, shocked, paranoid, shy, crazy
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